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a consent idea from Betty Martin

What I learned after taking Betty Martin's "Like a Pro" workshop is that often times when we're interacting with someone, one person thinks they're giving when they're actually receiving or one person thinks they're receiving when they're actually giving.

The issue with this role confusion is that it's then not clear who is doing what and therefore people are more likely to get hurt and feel resentment.

A very easy way to determine who is in what role is to ask the question, WHO IS IT FOR?

~Who is the interaction really for?~

For example, If you're giving someone a back massage, is it for you or for them? Did they ask you to give them a massage and you agreed? Or did you ask them to give them a massage and they agreed?

Can you figure out who the interaction is for in the above two examples?

If someone asks you to give them a massage and you agree, the interaction is for them and *you're giving them the *gift* of your hands, time, and attention.*

However if you ask someone if you can give them a massage and they agree, the interaction is for you and*they are giving you the *gift* of their body*.

Now, it's not that we can't enjoy it when we offer someone the gift of our body for their pleasure, or that we can't enjoy being in service to someone else in giving them the gift of our hands,

and it's good to still keep in mind about who the action is really for.

Betty would say that ideally we are interacting in a way with each other where we are both taking and doing exactly what we want AND that most of the time, people are either in one role or the other, and that the more we can embody that role the more we can fully give or receive the gift we are giving or being given.

This can be for all interactions. People can offer the gift of their time, attention, service, presence, friendship, labor, food etc.

When there's more clarity around our interactions there's more empowerment for all involved.

My hope is that we all continue to get even more clear, clear on what roles we are acting, and empowered in our interactions with each other, so that we can continue to create more love and abundance.

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